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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23719906">Make the Good Times Roll</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeWithMyOwnEyes/pseuds/SeeWithMyOwnEyes'>SeeWithMyOwnEyes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Birthday Fluff, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Chatting &amp; Messaging, Claude von Riegan is a Little Shit, Fluff and Crack, Gift Fic, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Quarantine, Surprise Party</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:02:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23719906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeWithMyOwnEyes/pseuds/SeeWithMyOwnEyes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hubert’s friends make sure that even a fodlan-wide quarantine won’t stop him from celebrating his special day.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro, Black Eagles Students &amp; Blue Lions Students &amp; Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem), Caspar von Bergliez/Linhardt von Hevring, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Make the Good Times Roll</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cactus_Flower1890/gifts">Cactus_Flower1890</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This ficwas beta-ed by the wonderful Eltoncon to ensure quality, since I have literally never played nor watched a single of FE3H, but I have been personally taught the fandom by the lovely Cactus_Flower1890. Since Hubert’s her favorite, I thought this was a fitting way to celebrate her special day. Happy birthday, Cactus! I love ya!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude added Dimitri and Edelgard to the conversation)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude has named this conversation Quarantine Bitches</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>tm</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude has changed his name to og_DeerLord)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>og_DeerLord</em>
  </b>
  <b>: </b>
  <span>Sup nerds, I’m booooooorrredddd</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard:</b>
  <span> You’re always begging for an extra long weekend. You’d think you’d be praising the gods that school’s really canceled...</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>og_DeerLord</em>
  </b>
  <b>:</b>
  <span> But I’m borrrrreeeeddddddd!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dimitri: </b>
  <span>I think he means to say he misses human interaction… In which case, he is right. The manor does feel especially lonely compared to the Academy… Speaking of which…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Dimitri added Ashe and Dedue to the conversation)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Dedue: </b>
  <span>Hello, sir. How are you fairing?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ashe: </b>
  <span>What is this…? A group chat to celebrate the pandemic…? Oh! Dedue’s on here! Hi Dedue! </span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>og_DeerLord</em>
  </b>
  <b>: </b>
  <span>*eyeroll* Dedue, you realize you don’t need to be so formal around upperclassmen, right…? Just because Dima, El, and I are seniors doesn’t mean you need to talk like some… Guy who talks like that… But that does remind me…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><span>(</span>og_DeerLord<span> has changed Dimitri’s name to CuteAss)</span></em>
</p><p>
  <em><span>(</span>og_DeerLord<span> has changed Dedue’s name to KissAss)</span></em>
</p><p>
  <em><span>(</span>og_DeerLord<span> has changed Ashe’s name to WantsToKiss_KissAs</span><span>s)</span></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WantsToKiss_KissAss:</b>
  <span> Uwaaaahhh! Change it back! *blushing*</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>Why change the name if it won’t change the truth *smug*</span>
</p><p>
  <b>KissAss: </b>
  <span>Change it back, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sir…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>CuteAss: </b>
  <span>Claude, please… This is crass, and offensive. Change us back…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>Your ass isn’t crass and offensive! It’s thicc af! Hell, if I weren’t all the way in Leicester, I’d be tapping that ass so hard…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>CuteAss: </b>
  <span>You certainly would not! Why must you always talk like this! I’ll find a way to change our names back myself…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Edelgard added Bernadetta, Dorothea, Petra, Lindhart, Caspar, Hubert, and Ferdinand to the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Edelgard:</b>
  <span> Hopefully adding more sensible people will add some order to this chat. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>I, Ferdinand Von Aegir, have arrived!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>Spoke too soon</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>What exactly is this, m’lady…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_Deerlord: </b>
  <span>“m’lady”?!? Who’d’ve thought this fucking edgelord talks like some fedora-wearing neckbeard!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard:</b>
  <span> Stuff it, Claude! It’s merely a reference to a little game from when we were young. This is a group chat Claude made so we can keep in touch even though we’ve been sent home for the rest of the semester… I hope you’re all well…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>I’m not! Lindhart won’t respond to my texts!! I couldn’t have pissed him off too much if we haven’t even been able to meet face to face!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>He’s probably taking the time between classes to catch up on his beauty sleep…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>With all the time he spends sleeping, he should have the face of the Goddess herself…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Hubert has changed CuteAss’ name to Dimitri)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Hubert has changed KissAss’ name to Dedue)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Hubert has changed Ashe’s name to Baby)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Baby: </b>
  <span>Heyyy!!! Why am I Baby? And how did you do that? </span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>You’re baby. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>You’re baby. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>Definitely baby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(User has deleted this message)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>What did he say?!?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dimitri: </b>
  <span>What did who say?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta: </b>
  <span>I think I saw it say Dedue’s name, but the text disappeared before I could read it…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>Was it by Dedue or about him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Dedue has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta: </b>
  <span>...I’m sorry… did I say something wrong…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>No, Bernadetta. I don’t believe this is your fault. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Baby: </b>
  <span>He says it was by him, but to stop asking or he won’t rejoin the chat if you ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Woah! Are you telephonic now!?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard:</b>
  <span> Do… Do you mean telepathic…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Yeah! That’s what I said. Telepathic. Ashe can hear Dedue’s thoughts!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <em>
    <span>telephonic.jpg</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Fuck you, Claude!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(og_DeerLord changed Caspar’s name to Short)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Short changed his name to DeerKiller)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>og_Deerlord: </b>
  <em>
    <span>gasp.gif</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Baby: </b>
  <span>So are you done giving Dedue a hard time now…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>ogDeerlord: </b>
  <span>We would never give Dedue a hard time. That’s your job!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Baby has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Dimitri:</b>
  <span> Claude! That was unacceptable! Apologize at once!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>Apologize to who? It’s literally impossible to apologize to the two people who aren’t here for me to apologize to!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dimitri: </b>
  <span>Fantastic! Now Ashe is calling me. Have fun tormenting Edelgard’s friends!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>Babe, wait! Don’t go!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Dimitri has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>Fuck!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(og_DeerLord has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(DeerKiller changed his name to Caspar)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>You did that on purpose, didn’t you, m’lady…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>You mean wait for their end to implode so we could hijack their chat…? Maybe… uwu</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>I’m sorry, did you just uwu at him?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Pweeze Mistuh Obama owo</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>What does that even mean, Caspar…? </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>It’s a meme… Y’know for a neckbeard, you know surprisingly little about internet culture…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>Thank you…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta: </b>
  <span>But Edelgard, if you wanted a chat of your own, why didn’t you just make one yourself…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>I’m not in school. I’m bored. My brain is rotting away. A good scheme, even a simple one such as this, is good for the mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta:</b>
  <span> You should try writing, Edelgard! I think it would suit you! And it helps to keep you busy between classes too!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>I think some people are more suited for writing than others, Bernie, and I think none are more suited than you. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta: </b>
  <em>
    <span>kittenblushing.gif</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>How is it legal for someone to be that cute…? I think I just got diabetes from all the way across town… </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>I don’t think that’s how diabetes works, Hubie, and I, Ferdinand Von Aegir, hope that should you get diabetes, it not be from Bernadetta.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>I think that’s “Ferdinand Von Aegir’s” way of saying he’s jealous… </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Are we allowed to break quarantine to hook up? You two should really break quarantine to fuck!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>Pics or it didn’t happen!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>What is wrong with you for suggesting such explicit ideas!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>I think they more than just suggested it, bud.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta: </b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brushing aside his raven locks, Ferdinand looked into his lover’s eyes. ‘Oh, Hubie…’ Hubert’s green eyes shone a mischievous glint. ‘Yes…?’ Lips quirked up into a devilish half-smile, his posture almost dared Ferdinand to call him to the bedroom and fulfill his long-held desires. Ferdinand bit his lip, yearning building in his chest, as he struggled to respond. ‘Must you make this so difficult?’ Hubert stepped closer, challenging Ferdinand by removing any gap that had once stood between the two men. ‘Difficult how…? Difficult as in hard…? Difficult as in rough…?’” (1/2)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Hubert had left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>Goddess above, please tell me that isn’t real!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>In Bernie’s defense, it is beautifully written….</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Please, do share more!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>Good job, Bernadetta. Now… Let’s get down to business…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>...to defeat the Huns!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>...to defeat the Huns!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Jinx!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>What are you, twelve?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>I’m almost 20! We’re both Sophomores at the same University!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>Stop it! Edelgard, what do you mean business…? What’s happening…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>It’s Hubert’s birthday next week…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>Normally, he spends it with El and me, but we can’t be with him now… You guys are our best friends here, so we figured we could try and recruit you to host a virtual party. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>Ohhh! So that’s what the plan really was! And that’s why Bernie posted that! You knew Hubert would be offended if he found out that Edelgard started a chat without him, so you waited for Claude to start one of his own. Then you guys knew he’d never leave a chat started by Edelgard, so you let them decompose and then scared him off!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>Exactly!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Wait… So can I find more of that story somewhere online or not???</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>Not! Obviously… Right, Bernadetta?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Bernadetta has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>Wait, what?! Bernadetta, why did you leave? Why did she leave, guys?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>I wouldn’t google myself if I were you…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>What does that mean?!?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Holy fuck! I found it!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>Found what?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>Caspar, don’t start…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>I found her tumblr. Omigod, this is gold! Forget her writing, the comments are the real deal! “User YuriOnIce474 writes: Ferdinand shouts his own name in the bedroom. Pass it on...”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>I would never--!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Ferdinand has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>Are you guys fucking serious??!? How did you manage to chase away Ferdinand and Bernadetta too?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>It wasn’t our fault that Bernie actually wrote that…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>Regardless, we can fill them in on this later. Birthday planning time. What’s the deal with that…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>Well, as I messaged Bernadetta and Ferdinand both individually, we shouldn’t risk his safety or our own by going out to visit him or get party supplies, but maybe if we can take what little we have at home and make something. Anything simple and cute, just as a token of friendship. Then we can all share it in a birthday video chat. We won’t tell him about it, so it could be a cute surprise. And then we could play virtual party games, like truth-or-dare, would you rather, Jackbox or Cards… It should be fun. Oh! And for the “cake” time, we can all take a snack we’ve got from our pantries at home, and sing “Happy birthday” together as we eat whatever we have. It’s not a traditional thing, but it’s better than having him brood in his room all day when he should otherwise be having fun with us nerds.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>That’s a lovely idea! Oh! I can write a song for him!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Write me in a drum solo! I fucking love drums! It’s like art with sound by hitting things!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <em>
    <span>YouDon’tSay.jpg</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>I have a fun idea too, now! But it’s a secret, so you’ll have to wait and see!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>Great. I’m pretty sure Ferdinand’s doing some shit with metallurgy, and Bernadetta’s making a card, so if Cas can just make sure Lin gets his shit together, we should be good to go...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude has joined the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude has changed his name to og_DeerLord)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>I go afk for one day, and somehow everything goes completely off the rails…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar:</b>
  <span> Dude, are you fucking high? It’s been four days!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>I know. But I only went afk for one day. I was busy video-chatting Dima, Ashe and Dedue. I apologized to them, and then we played Minecraft until sunrise. After that I checked my messages, and saw you guys were still chatting after I left. So I scanned through what you read, lurking for a minute or two, and then I was busy reading until now…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>I don’t think I’ve ever seen you read a book… Even for classes…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>I actually do read quite a bit, but only if it piques my interest… And let me tell you, the shit I found on Bernie’s tumblr piques more than just my interest ;)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>That’s disgusting! </span>
  <em>
    <span>*bleh*</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>So you came on here to brag about having spent the past three days reading Bernadette's not-so-subtly influenced erotica…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>I mean, The Two Jewels has three full volumes, with a fourth currently in progress, so that is certainly a brag-worthy feat… But no. I came on because I heard something about a birthday. Can the rest of us join in? I mean, we’re Hubert’s friends too, plus, as far as I know, none of us have written three and a half volumes of porn about him, so…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>I really would want you to join us, but the app only has room for eight people…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord:</b>
  <span> Dw… I got this… </span>
  <em>
    <span>*wink* </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(og _Deerlord has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>Well… that was… something… Anyone speak to Lin…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Lindhart: </b>
  <span>Yeah. Caspar called me a total of 94 times, and when that wouldn’t wake me, he called my mother. If I can’t be in class pursuing my studies, can I at least be catching up on sleep?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>You can catch up on sleep after Hubert’s birthday! We’re planning something, and we want you to join us… </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Yeah! Besides, you can’t go all Sleeping Beauty unless you’ve got a prince who’s not in quarantine to kiss you awake!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>We all know he’s referring to himself, right…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Don’t throw down accusations if I can’t drop by your place and kick your ass!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>Like your stumpy legs could even reach my ass!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>You wanna fucking go! I can kick any ass I want! Hell, I can even kick my own ass!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Lindhart:</b>
  <span> Why would you want to do that…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar:</b>
  <span> Because fuck you, that’s why!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>Exactly. You want to fuck him!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <em>
    <span>ragequit.png</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Caspar has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Lindhart: </b>
  <span>Well, if you don’t need me, I’ll be taking a nap.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>It’s barely noon!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Lindhart has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>So now the only people on the chat are the three of us who actually have a brain cell, and aren’t shamelessly flirting… Dull…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Petra has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>El, is there even a point to this anymore…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>I don’t think there is… Let’s just hope Claude comes through for us… </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea:</b>
  <span> Well, then… Later, El…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Dorothea has left the chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(The chat has ended)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude added Dimitri, Edelgard, and nine others to the conversation)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude has named this conversation Quarantine Bitches</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>tm</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Claude has changed his name to og_DeerLord)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>Sup sluts!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dimitri:</b>
  <span> I think you of all people should know I’m no slut…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>Sure you are. Your standards are so low you’d sleep with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>BUUUUUUURRRRNNNN</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ashe: </b>
  <span>What is a slut…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dedue:</b>
  <span> You don’t need to know that…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Petra: </b>
  <span>Of course Ashe is the one who doesn’t know that…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ashe: </b>
  <span>Mean! </span>
  <em>
    <span>*angry*</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Dorothea: </b>
  <span>No, Ashe, she just means that apart from Bernie, you’re the cinnamon roll of the friend group.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>No. Ashe is the cinnamon roll. Bernie’s the Sin-namon roll.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta: </b>
  <span>O.o W-what?!?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ferdinand: </b>
  <span>Goddess above, how many people have read that depraved content! (No offense Bernie)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ashe: </b>
  <span>Oh! You mean Two Jewels! I’m not on volume four yet so no spoilers!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dedue: </b>
  <em>
    <span>*shocked*</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Dimitri: </b>
  <span>Ashe… You’ve… read that…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ashe: </b>
  <span>Well, yeah… Is that what you guys are fighting about…? I don’t think that’s depraved, Ferdinand… What’s more beautiful than being wrapped up in the gentle arms of a kind, strong man, so safe and warm…? Uwu</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>Uhhhh… I’m assuming if I say Dima’s ass that’ll start a whole nother fight, so….</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dimitri: </b>
  <span>You assumed right. But, when you put it like that, Ashe…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Bernadetta: </b>
  <span>Yeah! What could be better than feeling at home in a lover’s embrace!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ashe: </b>
  <span>And the dialogue is so… poetic! That scene with Ferdinand and Hubert in the park under the moonlight! Oh, I can feel myself there with that special someone, gazing into their passionate green eyes!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Caspar: </b>
  <span>Dedue rn: </span>
  <em>
    <span>animenosebleed.jpg</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>May we please stop talking about what apparently the entire internet thinks I do in my spare time? </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dimitri: </b>
  <span>Yes… Dedue had something he wanted to post… @Dedue, where are you?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>og_DeerLord: </b>
  <span>I think he might have passed out. I’ve read it can happen when all the blood goes to any one… member…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Ashe: </b>
  <span>Oh no! Should we call an ambulance!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Dedue: </b>
  <span>N-no! I’m here… Don’t worry, Ashe… I’m fine… And yeah. I thought it would be nice if we could all bake this recipe I picked out… It’s from my grandma back in Duscur, and it doesn’t take many ingredients, so it shouldn’t take much from your pantries… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Duscurcheesecake.pdf</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>That looks lovely, Dedue. It says it should take twenty minutes for prep, so I’m assuming we all should be done within a half hour. I’ll start a video call then, alright? Any objections? I expect everyone to be baking…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert:</b>
  <span> You must be very hungry, m’lady…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Edelgard: </b>
  <span>It’s called stress-baking. It’s self-care. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hubert: </b>
  <span>Whatever you say, m’lady… I’ll see you in a half hour…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Edelgard has started a video chat)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(Edelgard has invited og_DeerLord, Dimitri, and nine others)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hubie!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert rolled his eyes. Edelgard’s long white hair was down and unkempt, and she was wearing fuzzy pink-chick pajamas. Under any other circumstances, she’d have never been caught dead like that in front of most of the others. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, m’lady… Has your stress been sufficiently relieved…?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“</b>
  <span>Not quite… Everyone have your Duscur Cheesecakes…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert switched the call to Gallery Mode, so he could see ten faces nodding back--of course Lindhart was calling from his bed… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, hold ‘em out!” Dorothea chimed in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert didn’t understand why she’d bothered to put in the effort to put on makeup, and style her beret just so. He hadn’t even bothered to change pajamas in at least a week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! I’m so proud of you!!! They all look wonderful! Grandma would be so excited!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dedue’s bed was like the world’s easiest Where’s Waldo. There were so many stuffed animals that any man of smaller stature would have been drowning in them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dedue! What do you think of mine? I added a bit of frosting around the edges, since I’ve been trying to practice my piping skills!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caspar was the only one who didn’t try to hide their laughter at Ashe’s puppy-like eagerness for Dedue’s approval. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks fantastic! When this plague is over, we should do more baking together!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashe beamed. He opened his mouth to speak, when Ferdinand tapped the edge of his computer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys! C’mon… I, Ferdinand Von Aegir--“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all know who you are, Ferdie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dorothea… Well… As I was saying, I think we should get straight to the point. Is everyone’s audio working? Like you can hear me and your mics are on…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dimitri nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s an icon next to everyone’s picture with a little microphone. That means they’re all working.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Okay… Then on the count of three… One, two, three!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday to you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert cocked his head, confused. What were they doing…?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday to you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the hell!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy birthday, dear Hubert! Happy birthday to you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert didn’t even know how to respond. Why were they doing this? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you…? I mean, you didn’t have to-- I mean… I don’t even know how to… I don’t know what to--“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Did you really think we’d all forget about your special day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, m’lady, but I didn’t think--“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We made presents too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bernadetta’ s voice was soft, but she did seem uncharacteristically proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Bernie illustrated the hundreds of chapters of porn she wrote just for you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...w-what…?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bernadetta’ s face burned red, as she buried herself under a mountain of blankets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ignoring Caspar, you really didn’t have to--“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up! We wanted to! Check what Dima and I made you! We made this little comic!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claude switched to screen share mode, displaying what appeared to be some sort of political high fantasy comic stylized kind of like an old video game. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look! You’re a dark mage servant for the noble Lady Edelgard, and there’s all this shit going on, and then there’s all sorts of war and conspiracies and sketchy feudal shit!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caspar burst out laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, cool concept, I guess, but let me guess: You drew it Claude…? What did you use MS paint?!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For your information, I used a coloring app on my iPad. And yeah. Dima wrote the plot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I die horribly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert laughed at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mood, Dimitri…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is a tough act to follow, but if we may… Check it! Ashe helped me select flowers for a dried-flower crown. The flowers are preserved, so it should last well after we’re released from quarantine…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dedue held up an elegantly crown interwoven with rich petals in cool tones, predominantly violets and indigos.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oooooh! That’s beautiful! Can you teach me how to do that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dedue’s face lit up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Bernie! I’d be happy to show you one day…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is right, Dedue… It does seem to fit my dark-mage image… And if the flowers die, I suppose I can use my necromancy to resurrect them and imbue them with permanent vitality.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so, Mr. Dark Mage, give us your most intimidating Dark-Mage vibes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert thought for a moment, taking his black bedsheet and wrapping it around himself like a shadowy cape, and let out a deep evil laugh, which dissolved into a slightly less evil more genuine laugh as a shriek came from Bernadetta’s end, and her camera displayed a blurred mess of what appeared to be the different parts of her bedroom until it settled on the ceiling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sorry… You scared me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of shuffling came through from Bernadetta’s phone, as she scrambled to retrieve it from the other side of the room where it had landed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now every good mage needs his own theme music… Caspar, can you link the mp4...?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying, Dorothea! It keeps coming up as an error! Can I hit the laptop…? I’m gonna hit it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caspar no!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It says the file’s too big for the thing… The video thingy… I can try and bring in my drumset for a live performance, but considering my Dad’s taking a nap upstairs, I’m not sure that’s the best idea…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, it’s fine. The thought was lovely. Thank you both!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not very mage-like, but I made you your own hunting bow… Now I guess you can shoot at anyone who questions your lady!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For your information, Petra, his lady can take care of herself!” Edelgard huffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His lady?” Ferdinand’s brows knitted in concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ferdie, you know she’s m’lady, but she’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> lady! C’mon, you know El’s like an older sister!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert stopped for a moment and squinted at his screen. Bernadetta had pulled out a notebook, and begun to scribble something frantically into it, only to stop when Hubert fell silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bernadetta, what are you doing with that notebook?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I… I wasn’t collecting inspiration for future material if that’s what you’re asking!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh! That’s brilliant, Bernie! And it would play so well into the themes of mutual insecurity, and the foolishness of it all because in the end, love is all that’s there!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bernadetta blushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Ashe… Really, you’re wonderful! Exactly what I wanted to--“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, Ferdinand Von Aegir, have aspired to be many things, yet somehow the thought of being a pornstar, especially unwittingly so, has never been among them…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Ferdie, if you two were in the adult film industry, Hubie would be the star! I mean, c’mon… People are into those cheekbones, and the sort of hooded-browline-over-piercing-eyes type of look… It’s all mysterious and sinister in a way that’s somehow pretty sexy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Dorothea, did I hear you wrong, or did you just call me sexy…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea smirked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You? No. You’re disgusting! But your image, the brand you could wield… I could see some people getting off on it… In fact, I can see one red-headed himbo getting off on it right now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush, now Dorothea, Silvain’s not here, and that’s not fair, regardless, because you know he’d hit on anything that moves. Hell, once at a party, he got wasted and tried to hook up with Ingrid’s grandmother…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashe laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He could have done worse, Dima… He could’ve tried to hook up with Ingrid instead!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Back to the point… Check this out! I’ve been trying to learn chainmail to make my own ren-faire cosplays, and I decided to try and make you a vest…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ferdinand held up an intricately linked chainmail vest, made primarily of black oxidized links, with little accented details like what appeared to be a cross-belt type pattern across the chest and sleeves made of a gold-bronze type metal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is incredible, Ferdie! I love it! Mind if I tag along with you to the ren-faire…? I wouldn’t want such quality craftsmanship to go to waste.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. And don’t worry… I’ll have a pretty badass sword to protect you from all those big bad horsies…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert hid his face as Caspar laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, let me get this straight… Ferdinand, You want to be Hubert’s knight in shining armour, keeping a protective eye on him as you take him around in chains…? Kinky!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claude found himself on the verge of tears trying to keep a straight face, and even Edelgard was smiling a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...kinky…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Petra whispered, a smirk on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did Lindhart somehow fall asleep through this…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His camera reflected only the mess of green hair strewn over his face as he had apparently fallen asleep on his laptop like an overgrown kitten. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Prince ‘Charming’ isn’t there to kiss him awake…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caspar found himself blushing furiously, as he tried to think of a retort to shoot back at Edelgard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I made you this painting too… I thought it would be cute…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bernadetta held up an acrylic portrait of a photorealistic banana with little stick-figure arms and legs slipping on its own peel. On the banana was painted a face clearly inspired by that painted in the Edvard Munch painting </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Scream</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is like an online shitpost given physical form. I find it quite… appealing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dimitri groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Claude, that was awful…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the painting is wonderful! I’ll be sure to hang it back up in my dorm, once we get back to class, anyway...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay… Now don’t forget the best for last, Hubie! I’ve created a thing… I pulled together every photo I could find from everyone of us, and I made a dumb little collage… I just thought this way, even if we can’t hang out in person, you won’t have to miss any of us and our beautiful faces…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claude brushed his hair back and posed for his webcam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Well, our mostly beautiful faces…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Anyway, Hubert… Since a lot of these presents are stuff we can’t send over through the internet, you do know what this all means…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, m’lady…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’all fuckers better stay inside and stay safe so we can all meet again in person to do a proper gift exchange once this all blows over. Happy birthday, Hubert!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you m’lady… Thank you all…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claude grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And remember, if you’re missing us, Hubert, or at least if you’re missing Ferdie, you can head onto Bernie’s tumblr to see more of him than I’m sure you’ve ever seen in person, at this rate!“</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>